New Poem: “The One I Lost”

Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dadoodle/6999296936/

The Floridian rain gets me down and produces a sense of melancholy, a rare acrimony I do not normally possess. I never know what to do with these emotions, as I so rarely feel them.

Do I find a quiet room and cry?

Do I look up a therapist on Google and pay a lunchtime visit? What would I even talk about?

“Sorry, doc, the weather gets me down. If I don’t see the sun, I get a little… weepy. Got any pills for that?”

Hmmmmm.

Opting to save myself a copay and a poor psychologist an hour of his life, I decided to channel my peculiar emotions into a poem of sadness and regret. Please enjoy.

****************************

The One I Lost

To the one I lost,
I’m sorry.
 
A decision made,
in haste,
fear,
ignorance,
greed,
took you away from me.
 
I didn’t know
that you were my world,
my life,
link in the chain
I wasn’t supposed to sever.
 
I missed your first soccer game
but you didn’t cry.
 
My little Gemini,
your knees
skimmed on concrete,
scabs itching
but never a complaint.
 
not a word
when I failed
to be there as your
tiny socked feet
found their grip on dog hair and scratched wood.
 
Diapers unchanged,
belly unkissed,
ten perfect little piggies
never to go
wee-wee-wee!
all the way home.
 
I never deserved
your love
perfect, innocent and pure
but you gave it.
 
I felt you inside me,
warmth,
a walnut
resting in my
womb.
 
To the one I lost,
because I didn’t know
how much I needed
you.
 
Aren’t you proud
your mother
isn’t
a statistic,
serving fast food,
to the parents of your friends?
 
Just another college drop-out?
Penniless?
Would you have been…
ashamed?
 
Would we have had
anything?
nothing?
 
I would’ve had
you.
 
To the one I lost,
I’m sorry.
 
When I gave your life
sacrifice
for mine,
this…
freedom?
 
How could I have known
I’d never
truly
be free without your
weight
in my arms?
 
****************************
 

Optimistic for a beautiful, sunshine-filled day tomorrow – or else the meteorologist is in for a beat-down. 🙂

~ Victoria Elizabeth

 
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